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@eff_yeah_steph: [first day as a vampire]
*squirts ranch on your neck*
@LuvPug: I adopt cats because I can't have any of my own.
@Staggfilms: ROBIN: How come you wear dark colors but make me wear a bright yellow cape?
BATMAN: [under his breath] It’s called a bullet magnet.
@sonictyrant: [Invention of the milk shake]
Drunk farmer: hey lets milk the cows on a rollercoaster
@peterjames48: For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
@BigJDubz: Dr: I'm afraid you've got airportitis
Patient: airportitis? I've never heard of it. Is it... serious?
Dr: it's terminal
Dr: nah, you've just got a cold
P: you're an awful human being