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@DurtMcHurtt: [first day being homeless]
What thread count are these newspapers?
@solikebasically: One time a cute guy I liked mooned his friend as a prank but there was a tiny piece of toilet paper in his crack & it haunts me to this day
@NewDadNotes: [first day as a dirty cop]
Partner: did you plant the drugs?
Me: yep, we gotta come back and water them every day though.
@JJRossReaders: Shower sex be like:
@TheMichaelRock: According to these Father's Day gift sections, all dads are clean shaven business men that love playing golf and think they're #1.
@squirrel74wkgn: No thank you, shower sex. I'll just step out of the shower and injure myself the old fashioned way.