@ThisOneSayz: First grade math makes no sense. I mean, who really buys 34 oranges and 21 apples in one day?!
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@JenAshleyWright: Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that's your ghost outfit forever.
@hpb777: My husband's doing that cute thing again where he thinks he's right. *throws his shit out on the lawn* *makes a bonfire*
@AnitaHelmet: Him: You're married? Me: Well, it's Thursday. So, yeah. Him: What about on Friday? Me: Depends how Thursday goes.
@GrantTanaka: wife: I don't think our marriage can survive the distance issue me: what distance issue, I'm always here or nearby wife: me: oh