@SoLongStephen: First line in frozen pizza instructions: DO NOT EAT FROZEN PIZZA W/OUT COOKING. It's almost like they know I'm the target demographic.
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@SincerelyMen: I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn't going to help him.
@jazmasta: There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.