@GrantTanaka: First man discovered fire. Then he invented the wheel. Then there was, like, 500 years where he just kept setting the wheel on fire.
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@TheDairylandDon: COP: You're under arrest for owning a non-domesticated animal. ME:(looks at otter)You mean Dave? COP:...and for this weed ME: That's Dave's
@AmishPornStar1: Do you like long lines, mass transit and sweaty white people? Ask your doctor if a Disney trip is right for you.
@aveuaskew: "You always overreact and make things dramatic. It's really annoying." *raises megaphone to lips* How so?