@GrantTanaka: First man discovered fire. Then he invented the wheel. Then there was, like, 500 years where he just kept setting the wheel on fire.
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@DadandBuried: 5yo: I want a snack. M: You can have a yogurt smoothie. 5: I NEED CHOICES! M: Ok. You can have a yogurt smoothie or you can have nothing.
@VaguelyFunnyDan: "I'll never forget you Jack" "Can I float on that wood too, Rose?" "I'll always remember you" "Seems like there's room for--" "Goodbye Jack"
@JimmerThatisAll: If you're angry at somebody and subtweeting them and it's not me please add "Not you Jim." at the end. Thank you.