@ZackBornstein: First Obama came for my guns. Then he came for my knives. Then he came for my dinette set. Then he redecorated the whole place. It's lovely.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@hyperblastchic: "I love potatoes! They are delicious and so versatile. If only they could get me laid..." -how vodka was born
@UberFacts: A mentally ill man shot himself in the head as a suicide attempt. The bullet cured his disorder and he became a straight-A college student.
@LeviathanPride: Made a friend today. Well, I knocked on my window when a guy walked past my house. I'll name him Terry.