@ZackBornstein: First Obama came for my guns. Then he came for my knives. Then he came for my dinette set. Then he redecorated the whole place. It's lovely.
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@knot_eye: "Once we come down off this wall we'll be on the lam. That means we're fugitives, laying low, on the run..." - condescending con descending
@AnkCoupleTO: *at lawyer's office* Me: I want to divorce my idiot wife, she's seeing a surgeon *idiot wife pops out from under desk* that's so not true!
@Robert_Beau: At the motel: Front Desk: And here's your key card sir .. Me: I'd like a wakeup call. FD: You're 20 lbs. overweight and your fly's open.