@vineyille: "First off I want to wish my opponent the best of luck and oh god. OH GOD NO" - presidential candidate accidentally using their 3rd wish
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@Manali_Shetye5: Him:The seven dwarves were on a bus, they all started to feel Sleepy. So Sleepy got off. Me:Oh come on, man! That pun was Dopey!
@rickolantern: Me: I found this in the fridge with your name on it. Are you gonna eat it? CW: That's my stapler Me: You didn't answer my question
@Ideal_Victoria: I really hope that people are staring at me because they think I'm pretty and not because I slipped on ice and into a parked car.
@RayfromCincy: The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.