@Ristolable: First person ever: I HAVE SEVERAL HOLES IN MY FACE WHAT IS HAPPENING
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@BrandonVine: *pulled over by cop* Cop: Did you know that your tags are expired? *tags cop* Me: You're it! Cop: Me running away: Renewed!
@sucittaM: Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.
@murderbytweets: In Hell, someone is constantly vacuuming while you're trying to explain directions to an old man.