@AristotlesNZ: First rule of ADHD club: Never talk about..Nice hat. You ever own a hamster? I did. Died. Watch me do a cartwheel! Ok, who wants brownies?
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@XplodingUnicorn: Texas principal: If that's a homemade clock and not a bomb, what time is it? Muslim student: Time for a lawsuit.
@The_MartiniGirl: The sampler tester at the liquor store told me to stop coming back every hour in a disguise.
@Brampersandon_: WIFE: Not your eyes! You dont have to prove it anymore GUY WHO CLAIMS HE PUTS HOT SAUCE ON EVERYTHING: *thru tears* I made a commitment babe
@That_Damn_Duck: How I wear a scarf: 1. Take scarf and drape it over my shoulder 2. Find an annoying co-worker and choke them to death with it. 3. Repeat