@JasonLastname: First rule of robbing banks is you have to shout, "THIS IS A ROBBERY!" Otherwise they might think it's a baptism.
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@desi_princess: Does Target have crack floating through their air vents? Went in to buy milk, came out with a giraffe, 6-pack, someone's kid, and a headache
@VanVeenB: Tried pushing her against the wall to kiss her like all you guys suggested. Put her head right through the drywall. Goddam cheap motels.
@jjhartinger: [ring] Me: Hi Mom: You picked up. Me: I know M: Why Me: You called M: I wanted to leave a message Me: Just tell me M: Hang up [ring] Me: Hi