@AristotlesNZ: First rule of Thesaurus Club: You do not talk, speak, chat, deliberate, confer, gab, or converse about Thesaurus Club.
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@McGrumpenstein: FBI Agent: You're accused of attempting to hijack a Mentos truck & drive it into a Diet Coke bottling plant Me: ... FBI: ...I kind of want to see that Me: I KNOW, RIGHT?!
@OrangeFact: [Court] ME: You expect us to believe your alibi — that everybody’d gone surfin’? Surfin’ USA? BEACH BOYS: *sweating* Y-yeah ME: Then how do you explain this?! *I hold up a picture showing that everybody was kung-fu fighting*
@alexlumaga: Me [a security guard]: they now control the north lawn and are moving into the parking lot Supervisor: be that as it may, i will not agree to let you "taser a goose"
@ojedge: [attempting Guinness Book of Records for most people mauled by a bear] ME: Thank you all for coming 37 OF MY FRIENDS: Why r we here again?