@DickMarcs: “First time caller, long time listener”—Alexander Graham Bell
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@TheAlexNevil: I don't trust a restaurant that advertises "Now with more bacon!" because it means they were holding out on me to begin with.
@PaperWash: [driver on opposite side of the road puts head lights on] moth driving: omg moth wife: Harold no we have a baby moth baby: FLOOR IT DAD
@drewtoothpaste: 2019: Tumblr blinks offline, satisfied, having completed its mission of collecting all existing TV and film footage as GIF files.
@therealeatwood: BOB: Hey boss can I get another raise SCROOGE: But I just gave you… B: What’s that over there, is it a gho-o-o-ost?? Ooooooooo S: OK! OK!