@DickMarcs: “First time caller, long time listener”—Alexander Graham Bell
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@whtedaisy: Hubs: How long has your car been doing that? Me: ? Hubs: The engine smoking at a stoplight? Me: I dont know, I look at my phone at lights.
@jonnysun: *sees a baby screaming on the plane* wait-- WAIT. WHY IS HE SCREAMING. OH MY GOD WHY IS HE SCREAMING. WHAT DOSE HE KNOW THAT WE DONT
@neonwario: What did Mozart say to the police clerk? "I'll be Bach" hahaha. What do you mean they're different people
@scenesfromahat: As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.