@VodkaThursday: First year my husband didn't give me some sort of sweet on our anniversary. I got roses. He thinks I'm fat. I know it.
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@WilliamAder: Been in line for hours and I'm beginning to think this Radio Shack isn't going to open.
@Brampersandon_: [sees a meathead at the gym flipping a giant tire end over end] ME: Put it on its side and it'll roll, idiot
@GoldenSpirals: A truck just flipped a dead squirrel onto my windshield and it's stuck in my wiper. I guess I don't have to stop to get supper tonight.
@dollfaceiam: When faced with a challenging situation I calmly ask myself "what would the hulk do?" Then I rip my clothes and smash stuff up!