@VodkaThursday: First year my husband didn't give me some sort of sweet on our anniversary. I got roses. He thinks I'm fat. I know it.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@timdonakowski: Nothing is worse than having jock itch. ESPECIALLY within 100 ft of a school or playground.
@PaperWash: dad: I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU YOUNG MAN son: HI VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU YOUNG MAN IM GREG dad: omg [sheds a tear]
@mexinonblonde: Him-You have the most beautiful lips. Me-Wait...how do you know what my..... Ohhhhh, you mean the lips in my Avi! Yes, I know. Thank you.
@JohnFugelsang: Somewhere in Heaven... Abraham Lincoln: The ppl who claim to be my followers just totally misquoted me. Jesus: You don't say.