@HomeProbably: Fish look like they're constantly being surprised by something.
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@TheKenyan_: I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
@thetobbie: Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...
@SteveSuckington: Wife: [looking at bank statement] what's this huge charge from Clones R Us? Me: [sends group text to 7 other me's] she's on to us
@Livsey1: "People want to feel special.. they'll buy sugary piss in a bottle as long as it has their name on it." - Executives at Coke