@davidleecourt: Fitbit says it's time to chase another victim through the cornfield.
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@david8hughes: [at work] "Mornin, Margaret." "Mornin. You're late today." [looks at watch] "Not as late as your dead husband though, am I?"
@ShootyDoody: Friend: What was the name of that guy you introduced me to? He had a beard and a hoodie. Me: Uhhh F: Really into Craft Beer. Me: F: He has a podcast. Me: That's every man I know.
@Dank_Pal: Hi everyone, welcome to Motorboat Club. Let's get started on some sailing basics. *Man in back row throws brochure on ground and storms out*