@amishschool: Fitness guru just tweeted "remember to breathe" and it was pure luck that I got the message in time.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Sean_Burgundy_: Window repairman: What happened did someone try to break into your house? Me: No. My gf said we needed to talk
@AaronFullerton: "What are you doing? Are you writing down everything I'm saying?! IS THIS GONNA BE A SONG?!?!" -anyone dating Taylor Swift
@Maui_Speaks: I can deal with many things. Intolerance. Hate. But if I can't find the right lid for the Tupperware in five minutes, some one will pay.
@Pro_Jones_: (Halloween Party) Friend: What's your costume? Me: I'm dressed as "A total disappointment" Friend: But you always wear that Me: Yeah.