@amishschool: Fitness guru just tweeted "remember to breathe" and it was pure luck that I got the message in time.
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@JasonLastname: Cop: How much have you had to drink? Me: Like six carrot juices Cop: Please step out of the hamster wheel
@Ryan_Patricks: Pretend it's a beer... Pretend it's a beer... Pretend it's a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
@NuclearBavarian: A car with a car rack looked like a police car, so I slowed down, only to realize I had been tricked into obeying the law FOR NO REASON.