@JustCallMeC_: "That looks interesting. I think I'll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
@flahertykeely: stuck on a crowded subway next to a girl playing candycrush, she made a bad move & half the car went "ooooo" in a chorus of dismay
@AimeeHelene1: Can someone wake me up when this nightmare is over?
*lies on floor, closes eyes tight*
(in customer service line at Walmart)
@TheIronSherk: Working front desk at Motel 6 wasn't paying the bills so I started dealing meth to the housekeepers. It was an Inn side job.
@SouthrnPinUpMom: Moms get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
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