@JayUhOh: Five chickens leave Topeka traveling west at 25 mph. Please help me find them chickens. Those are my chickens.
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@AdderallMomma: --Wanna go rubbing in the park tomorrow with me? Thanks auto correct, this is why I can't have nice friends.
@junejuly12: Apparently "if you must draw your eyebrows on, please draw them evenly" was not the tip this waitress was expecting.
@alldrolledup: my ex: sometimes I forget why we ever broke up me: when you do that sigh thing I can hear your nose hair