@LuckyToken1: Five second rule? Pfft. What's the point of having an immune system if you're not going to use it?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ZBH94: *On deathbed* Me: Will someone make that beeping stop? Wife: I GOT IT!!!! *pulls plug* Nurse: You only had to press the mute. Wife: I know.
@MarlonBrandNO: I stuffed my mom last night. I know you're thinking I have an Oedipus complex and that's gross but jokes on you I'm a taxidermist
@Fred_Delicious: [Describing guy who just mugged me to sketch artist] "He was literally kermit the frog"
@cepheusjackson: [SCIENCE FAIR] ME: It's a Pez dispenser, but for hot Pop-Tarts. PRINCIPAL: This fair is for kids. OTHER PARENT: Shut up, let him finish.