@LuckyToken1: Five second rule? Pfft. What's the point of having an immune system if you're not going to use it?
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@gobmentcheese: In a crowded elevator, tell all the tall people they have to get in the back because you're going to take a group photo.
@realHamOnWry: The harder you slam the door walking out on an argument ...the more likely you have to go back inside for your car keys.
@PersianCeltic: Do you smoke? Smokers: "Yes." Non-Smokers: "Never have, never will." Stoners: "Smoke what?"
@_mcgoof: Why are there 2 dragon smileys on Whatsapp? "He winked at me, I should send him a dragon head." "No babe, this calls for a full dragon."