@LnL245: Fixing my grandma's computer and I see that her search history is about seven various spellings of the name of the last guy I dated.
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@karanbirtinna: I was fired from my job as hotel front desk manager for yelling “Get a room!” to every couple that entered the hotel.
@3sunzzz: I experienced a potato famine once; it was the longest night of my life. Narrator: Ursula ran out of vodka.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Don't tweet that Me: *thinks about it* Wife: I'll divorce you Me: *thinks harder* Wife: And give you all 4 kids Me: *hits delete*