@LnL245: Fixing my grandma's computer and I see that her search history is about seven various spellings of the name of the last guy I dated.
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@runolgarun: I realized I was an adult when I almost bought napkins instead of taking a wad of free ones from Chipotle. Almost.
@carlyken: [lawyer whispers to plaintiff] two can play this game "Your honor. Upsexy." Judge: what's upsexy? "that's harassment. move to change venues"
@Book_Krazy: [quietly] "Always a bridesmaid never the bride" BRIDE: Hey, you're not one of my bridesmaids! "Shhh...this day is about you, not me."
@WilliamAder: If "six degrees" is true, somebody tell somebody to tell somebody to tell somebody to tell somebody to tell Scarlett Johansson I said "Hi."