@ericsshadow: *flags down police car* how many mpg does this thing get?
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Kanye West says he's the Michael Jordan of music. If he's talking about the time when Michael Jordan was playing baseball, I totally agree.
@FatherofTweet: Wife: "The two things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie." Husband: "Which is this?"
@lecalabara: For eggplant your guests will love, lightly brush with olive oil, toss in the air and blast that bad boy with your ankle piece.