@Smethanie: Flipped the entire family off while they had their eyes closed during grace.
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@trevso_electric: Talking about your ex makes it sound like you're not over them. Hide their body and move on like a normal person.
@AmishPornStar1: You know you're getting old when you sound like a women's tennis match just trying to get out of bed.
@ceejoyner: Using spin moves while allowing an opponent's sword to narrowly miss your head forces them to add majestic layers and volume to your hair.
@underchilde: [First Date] Me: "So what do you like to do when you're not working?" Her: *Drifts in and out of consciousness* Me: "Me too!"