@Smethanie: Flipped the entire family off while they had their eyes closed during grace.
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@3sunzzz: 6yo: What is a solar eclipse? Me: Have you ever been outside in the dark? 6yo: yeah Me: same idea
@Fred_Delicious: Apparently the rebooted bible will feature a female Jesus, and Moses will be a raccoon
@Nahdude83: [10 mins into couples therapy] Therapist: I cannot help you two. Me: Let's go, Betsy! See! She doesn't listen! T: GET YOUR DOG OFF MY COUCH!