@JohnHilsen: Float like a jellyfish, sting like a jellyfish.
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@Papa_Mex: Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don't realize how bad it is for their health.....until I'm choking them
@Jeffwni: [Ancient Egypt job centre] - Name? "Ankhesenamun" - How do you spell that? "Reed comb water Ankh, bendy straw water shitting priest"
@squirrel74wkgn: *walks in at 3am* Wife: OMG, what happened? Me: I was attacked. [front door 5hrs later] Neighbor: What happened to our inflatable Santa?