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@jwoodham: Why would America make the bald eagle its national bird when all they do is attack things and fly away and nevermind I think I get it now.
@robdelaney: 9 out of 10 dentists agree: golf is a fantastic way to avoid raising your children.
@notalogin: *overeats sugar* *gets diabetes* *gets limbs amputated* *can finally smile authentically in pics now that not worried what to do with hands*
@FattMernandez: Are there Jewish exorcisms? Where the demon comes out, and just tells you to call your mother?