@Cravin4: Folks are worried about global warming and social security, when the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text.
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@Home_Halfway: *enters password* itaLLLy [Your password must contain numbers and letters] ROMAN CITIZEN: IT DOES, WTF
@bourgeoisalien: if someone asks you about yourself say "OK, sit down, this is going to be a really long story" then just wander off
@MsCassieDaniels: A cat is the animal equivalent of the girl who hated you for no reason in high school.
@hippieswordfish: 'welcome to helicopter class. any questions..' *student raises hand* *arm gets obliterated by chopper blades* 'can wait until we go inside'