@Cravin4: Folks are worried about global warming and social security, when the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text.
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@Michael_Erhart: "Why don't you just tell her how you feel?" "Well, alright." "Girl, I feel with my nerves."
@iwearaonesie: my wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can't see the mailbox when she's backing up?
@weinerdog4life: When I'm in a conference room all by myself I like to pretend I'm having a very important meeting with chairs about chair shit.
@CruisinSoozan: The dog almost ate the bird tonight. It was like a Dateline episode. "He kept to himself, but on the evening of June 6, he snapped."