@Cravin4: Folks are worried about global warming and social security, when the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text.
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@TheRobCee: Got kicked off the cruise ship after three day of constantly saying "poop deck" & snickering.
@BangMyBongo: Some say Obama is the biggest liar of all time.. I say, the person who chose the spelling of, "Colonel" is the biggest liar of all time
@yungsweater: *Playing catch* *dad throws ball over fence* "I'll get it son!" *25 years later* "Wow he must've thrown it far"
@WillMckenzieNot: At a restaurant: "Would you like a table?" "No, not at all. I came here to eat on the floor. Carpet for 5 please."