@KenJennings: Folks I'm seeing Trainwreck tomorrow night. Then after the GOP debate, I might go to the new Amy Schumer movie! Yeah, I went there
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@Contwixt: My therapist said I need to stop listening to Ke$ha on my iPod and start acting my age. So I bought Ke$ha on vinyl. Tik Tok.
@just_evolved: When a killer makes you dig your own grave, throw the soil far away so he has trouble backfilling.
@i_theindian: Lovers decided to commit suicide. The boy jumped first. The girl did not. From that day, started the concept of...Ladies First. @Laugh_Riot