@KenJennings: Folks I'm seeing Trainwreck tomorrow night. Then after the GOP debate, I might go to the new Amy Schumer movie! Yeah, I went there
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@thetits: [Later, Snake sees a Lizard] Snake (to God): DUDE! Seriously?? *God and Lizard high-five, adding insult to injury*
@Wtftab: Useful information: don't turn around if a woman throws a shoe at your back. Because more than likely the other one is in mid flight.
@DoogieHorner: Dogs are "practice babies" and cats are "practice ex-girlfriends you still have to share an apartment with."
@dreamthievin: Life plan: 1. Befriend shady people. 2. Witness a murder. 3. Enter witness protection & get new name. 4. So long student loans!