@Contwixt: My therapist said I need to stop listening to Ke$ha on my iPod and start acting my age. So I bought Ke$ha on vinyl. Tik Tok.

@just_evolved: When a killer makes you dig your own grave, throw the soil far away so he has trouble backfilling.

@Hadzilla: If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately

@i_theindian: Lovers decided to commit suicide. The boy jumped first. The girl did not. From that day, started the concept of...Ladies First. @Laugh_Riot

@Buncahn: [boy spreads his little arms] Boy: i love you this much daddy! Neil deGrasse Tyson: on a universal scale, that is an alarmingly small amount