@YourKyness: Some guy commented on my all-black outfit today: "So whose funeral is it?" I told him I haven decided yet.

@SortaBad: Me, age 18: I'll be a homeowner by the time I'm in my 30s Me, in my 30s: I own a single pair of matching socks

@ibid78: "I see your bet and raise you all my hair since 6th grade. Oh and this pen." "Sir that's not- "You got a problem with pens?"

@AndyAsAdjective: ok, i'm calling bullshit on Ariel singing underwater

@Kyle_Lippert: I nominate Chris Brown to dump a bucket of boiling hot water on himself & to raise awareness for domestic violence.