@13spencer: "Follow your dreams!" - someone born into money
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@Ivsy01: Him: How was your day? Me: (watching a movie about a shark trapped in a grocery store) Very busy.
@IGotsSmarts: HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA ARE BEING TURNED INTO GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES RIGHT NOW!
@tnylgn: I'm not afraid to die, I'm afraid my friends will give me the funeral I told them I wanted when I was drunk.
@robdelaney: My wife just asked me why she came home to find marinara sauce all over our sleeping baby's head. Sorry babe, I'M NOT A DETECTIVE.