@Parentpains: Follow your instincts, into the path of a moving train.
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@HandyJack420: The Dominos "tracker" says Ashley just left with my pizza so I only have a few minutes to get naked. Just glad it's not Brad... ...again.
@david8hughes: [steps off crosstrainer] "Hey girl [out of breath, hands on knee] you like f-fitness? Cos I'm fitn--" "Shall I call an ambulance?" "Please."
@zachv86: *speaks at high school graduation* Your 12 year free trial has expired. To continue your education please submit your credit card info.
@Sarcasticsapien: If you're going to insult the Amish, do it to their face. You kinda have to. They're never gonna see it online.