@buttgh0st: [following girl off elevator] you cant hate snakes and then say u love dragons, because theyre actually extremely similar. in a lot of mytho
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@RoosterMustache: *pulls away from kissing my girlfriend's twin* TWIN: she'll never find out about us ME: thanks dude you're a trustworthy guy
@FormerGrunt: When I die, just toss my body out of an airplane flying over NYC while wearing a superman costume.
@ThaJawn: *braids your voodoo doll's hair Me: HAHAHAHA! She will wake up and be like "who braided my hair" HAHAHAHA