@buttgh0st: [following girl off elevator] you cant hate snakes and then say u love dragons, because theyre actually extremely similar. in a lot of mytho
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@SharkJelly: *I cycle off mt Rushmore and fall to my death but my bicycle lands on the end of Lincolns nose and makes a perfect pair of reading glasses*
@lovexios: I hate when people text 'call me'. I'm going to start calling people, say 'text me' and then hang up.
@TheBoydP: If by “chivalry is dead” you mean “I put my coat in a puddle for my wife so she's making me do laundry for a week” then yes chivalry is dead