@vineyille: "Food expiration dates are lies. It's all about control." My knife breaks as I cut into a plate of milk. "I'm saving this for later."
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@carlyken: *Walks into school* Simon says give me your Pokemon cards Ok now close your eyes *Walks out* Kids are so dumb I didn't even say Simon says
@imteddybless: my cousin's baby is due tomorrow & my grandma keeps checkin her phone for news. waitin for the baby 2 text her like "im here lol. from baby"
@heidi420x: You have to PAY for a speeding ticket?! I thought it was a reward for beating other drivers..
@AlexvanBeek: [10mins from now] ..& just like that North Korea was removed from history & got nuked by every country on Earth for bringing down Twitter..