@jonnysun: "fool me once, shame on u. fool me once, shame on u. fool me once, shame on u" - a goldfish :(
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@TheBoydP: I was confused when my wife asked me what I spent $108 on at the liquor store. I answered "liquor?" All is not a trick question. Apparently
@SteveSuckington: [quietly opens a beer] Funeral Director: seriously?! Me: oh sorry [reaches into cooler and hands him one]
@MariyaAlexander: Wearing my lesbian boots today. Well, they're faux lesbian. I don't believe in using lesbians for leather, even if they're farm-raised.