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@UnFitz: *fools rush in*
*they all slam into each other*
@BradBroaddus: My kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full.
@Crutnacker: Why Seth MacFarlane's Oscars were mean spirited and misogynistic, coming up next after our review of the worst dressed women.
@murrman5: [trying to avoid awkward silence on first date]
you ever see a horse throw up?
*smiles and turns phone sideways so video gets bigger*
@theshantilly: Why put it in my calendar when I can just wait until someone texts me "Where the hell are you?"
@SteveOHellNo: People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.