@julezmac: Football is so cute it's like some guys are like we're gonna get you and one guys like no no no no
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@blopt: My parents are middle aged. "Mine are to-" [parents burst through bedroom door on horses] "CHILD! DOST THOU DESIRE NOURISHMENT?"
@NicestHippo: [getting a massage] MASSEUSE: You have sensitive skin SKIN: What is THAT supposed to mean
@AGStr8upNinja: If I had the power to control people's minds like Professor Xavier I'd probably just make them get me snacks.