@julezmac: Football is so cute it's like some guys are like we're gonna get you and one guys like no no no no
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@dougbies: My phone died, so I was forced to "print" a physical copy of my boarding pass, just like The Wright Brothers used to in the olden days
@QwertyJones3: [gynecologist making small talk during an exam] DOCTOR: So you're in the military? HER: Yes DOCTOR: Well thank you for your cervix
@themorris23: My wife calls it "woman's intuition" but I call it "not clearing your browser history."