@disco_bird: For 10 years I believed my best friend was a mute, but it turns out that someone has just drawn a boy in the corner of my glasses.
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@StevenKJohnson: Game of Thrones: Now with 100 percent more zombies! The Walking Dead should fire back by adding kingdoms.
@WheelTod: Tonight playing poker with a buddy he said "Care to make this interesting?" And I said "Sure. For years I've been secretly in love with you"
@LostFelicia: Someone's overfeeding that damn cat. I mean.. there's something like Stonehenge in her litter box.
@Rollinintheseat: Never play musical chairs against a person in a wheelchair. They will always beat you.