@BedheadBunny: For $60, this printer ink had better be hand squeezed out of endangered squids.
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@simoncholland: Thanks for always acting surprised by breakfast in bed like you slept right through the great pots and pans avalanche of 6:45 AM.
@nbadag: [runs up to a group of people] ME: ZACK ATTACK GUY: lol is your name zack or— [thousands of bros crest a nearby hill] ME: [whispering] RUN
@SteveKoehler22: Damn you, Autocorrect ! Why do you keep changing a word into something that makes no sense ? You are the banner of my existence.