@DurtMcHurtt: For a mountain to be called Kilimanjaro, it needs to kill at least 1 manjaro.
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@JohnFugelsang: Car in front of me at red light has a bumper sticker says 'honk if you love Jesus.' So I honk. Then he gives me the finger.
@Cheeseboy22: Sometimes I'll stop the treadmill at the gym and run in place. When people ask me what I'm doing, I'll say, "Pretend stoplight."
@Lhlodder: I can raise kids just fine, but keeping plants alive that only need to be watered once a month is apparently out of my reach.