@HeelyRiddler: for all #parents out there
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@TheAlexNevil: What I Say To 7: "This is just between us" What 7 Hears: "Tell Mom everything and please embellish it to make it sound 100 times worse"
@Diversion50: [solicitor reading my will] "He [takes off glasses & pinches bridge of nose], He wants to donate his arm to the drummer from Def Leppard".
@NoLuckWanted: A guy just offered to buy me a drink. I declined, but heard him say lesbo to his pal. I replied "Only for you, baby". Now he feels special.