@moose_chocolate: For Easter, I will hide pieces of IKEA furniture all over the house and then have my kid assemble it. If she succeeds, she gets chocolate.
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@PajamaBenLaden: *undercover cop knocks* Hi fill out this survey to win a free IPad! 1. name 2. address 3. email 4. where are drugs *mustache falls off*
@thegingercorn: 9 just turned the toaster all the way up and basically made charcoal for breakfast, so I'm ordering new furniture with his college fund.
@JMScomedy: If you think I'm flirting with you, I'm just being friendly. If you think I'm weird and I make you uncomfortable, I'm flirting with you.
@markedly: What are you gonna argue about with your family this Thanksgiving? 1. Minimum wage 2. Police reform 3. Why are there raisins in this, Louise