@BBQJones28: For every chick that's crying about no good guys out there...there's a dude she's ignoring that's good to her.
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@3sunzzz: H: The house is empty, why don't you go and slip into something more comfortable? Me: great idea *comes back wearing fuzzy penguin pajamas*
@bransonreese: Hate it when a grand piano falls on me and my head pops out of the wreckage and the keys are my teeth. The experience is simply not for me.
@weismanjake: I'm a vegetarian and when people say to me "you know Hitler was also a vegetarian" it always reminds me how many Jews I've been killing
@KyleMcDowell86: Funeral Request: Spread my ashes on a windy day so I get in everybody's eyes and mouth lol I don't even like you guys