@SallingsSam: For every selfie you take, the universe throws another rock at our planet.
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@AndyAsAdjective: Truth or dare? -Truth. Ok, go. -I get sexually aroused by ALF. Okaaaay... -Your turn. Truth or dare? Um...dare. -Put on this ALF costume.
@ruinedpicnic: "anyone for turkey burgers?" turkey: well sure haha "oh, it's not a burger for turkeys" turkey: what is it then "uhh" turkey: say it
@CulturedRuffian: Waiter: Did you save room for dessert? Me: Not really, I'm stuffed Waiter: Ok, I'll bring the check Me: I'll have the chocolate cake.
@SwedishCanary: I had a call from a charity asking me to donate old clothes for starving people. I told them anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving