@Ideal_Victoria: For fun I like to text all the men in my phone, "she has your eyes, can't wait for you to meet her" and then I sit back and wait.
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@KizerBillhelm: I just got a Facebook invite to my brother's non-alcoholic Mormon wedding. I dunno which part of that sentence makes me want to cry more.
@Book_Krazy: Mommy what's an "Act of God?" Me: *Flashback to my CrossFit trainer* Well dear, an "active god" is in his mid-20s and has a smokin hot body
@pharmasean: You can lead a horse to water You can leave your horse behind. Cuz your horse don't dance n if he don't dance then he ain't no horse of mine
@JaneBadall: Expecting an idiot to admit they're wrong feels a lot like trying to put socks on an octopus.