@Ideal_Victoria: For fun I like to text all the men in my phone, "she has your eyes, can't wait for you to meet her" and then I sit back and wait.
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@TheCatWhisprer: Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don't want to look like a dork.
@salamingia: "Google, how long will my trip to Cleveland take? "Your trip will take 5 hours" "Google, I have a child. "Your trip will take 9 hours".
@EamonToPlease: My phone just sent me an unsolicited hockey score. Aren't there Japanese horror films that start this way?
@Jandalize: Horrifically awaiting the day all the shampoo bottles in my shower decide to squeeze me back.