@UnFitz: For Halloween I'm giving out razor blades with candy in them. These kids'll be shaving away and then BAM - nougat everywhere.
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@stephenjmolloy: Undertaker: "What do you want your husbands gravestone to say?" Wife: "Nothing. I want a traditional, non-talking one."
@nachdermas: ME: what's an owl's favorite band DATE: what ME: the Byrds lmao DATE: ... wait why wouldn't it be the Who ME: DATE: ME: i like you, charlotte. this was nice. but i think i'd like to go home now.