@scarebro: "For I am Christ the Redeemer, He Who Saves!"- Jesus, using his coupons.
@anbrll00: Ayy girl, are you Ohio? Because we should be Dayton.
@anagramps: *hot lady looks at me*
Me: Hi! Do I know you?
Lady: No I think I'm mistaken.
Me: So...is there a mister taken?
*hit by bus*
@turkeyheadmac: Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don't apply the brakes
@GarrettCake: "Asparagus!!!" - italian guy named Gus pleading for his life
@kelkulus: Batman Begins Twerking #AddaWordRuinaMovie