@scarebro: "For I am Christ the Redeemer, He Who Saves!"- Jesus, using his coupons.
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@RoosterMustache: HER: I love sweater weather ME: *holding up an umbrella to protect us from falling sweaters* It's that time of year again already?!
@BarryVonAwesome: The Hurricane came through here like a tornado -Lady on the News just now I don't want to live on this planet anymore
@Tw1tter_K1tten: Febreze commercial: "Now we remove her blindfold and..." *has panic attack, stabs camera man, vomits, jumps out closed window*