@scarebro: "For I am Christ the Redeemer, He Who Saves!"- Jesus, using his coupons.
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@usermcuserface: You start a mosh pit at the orchestra one time and all of a sudden you're "banned for life" and "arrested".
@huntigula: Me: If Obi-Wan's clothes remained after Vader killed him, then why wasn't ghost Obi-Wan naked? My date: [to waiter] Check, please.
@hoedeehoe: Jesus: and when there was but 1 set of footprints, there I carried u Me: (checks fitbit) ok, phew, it counted the steps, I still got credit