@juliussharpe: For just $28,000, I will teach any politician or politician's wife to wave like a normal human being.
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@QwertyJones3: The woman who sits next to me at work just told someone she's surrounded by idiots. I feel bad for her.
@kellymcc0y: When someone spaces out their "ha ha ha's" in a text I read it in Count Dracula's voice
@TheCatWhisprer: Are you supposed to wear the fanny pack over the gut or underneath it? I don't want to look like a dork.
@TimFederle: Why are pilots so honest? Keep those maintenance issues quiet. I want lies, frankly. "We're delayed because we're winning a safety award."