@CulturedRuffian: For Lent I've decided to give up my New Year's Resolutions, now pass the Girl Scout Cookies.
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@mommy_cusses: Nurse: *handing me a newborn* You got this? Me: Sometimes I have to dig through the trash to re-read the instructions for mac 'n' cheese
@flashember: COME TO ME JOURNALBOT *Journalbot enters my study* ok write this down: Polar bears are bear ghosts. "polargeists" [very sad robot noises]