@jimmy_sharpe: For lunch today I ate three lunches.
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@SteveKoehler22: The age-old question .... Are we alone ? Of course we're not. There are 320 million other idiots on Twitter besides us.
@Bollingmargaret: 3 year old daughter: “I want marijuana.” Me: “What did you say?” 3 year old: “Marijuana.” Me: “Huh? I don’t know what you’re asking for.” 3 year old gets remote and turns on Netflix and points to movie. Me: “OOOHHH...Moana!”
@jnthnwll: Prayed over the 8-piece Chick-Fil-A nugget I bought, then opened the box and found 12 nuggets. This is my testimony.