@outragel: For my 19000 tweet? A joke...
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@kumailn: If I had a time machine I'd go back 10 years and tell myself "Write down the names of all the people you loan stuff to."
@WhtUReallyMean: I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I'm living in their attic.
@Brianhopecomedy: How my 7 year old plays board games: Rolls a 6. Counts to 6. Moves his piece wherever he wants.
@FlyJ_: I have 1 calorie left for the day on MyFitnessPal app. I think I’ll eat this fruit fly that’s been annoying me.