@woodmuffin: "For my next illusion" the magician announces: "Free will!" Everyone starts clapping but they don't know why
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@Adar79Angie: When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
@MrJeberling: Once while eating bacon I said I was "getting piggy with it" and now I have no friends.
@vineyille: I place my finger on the police officer's lips. "Shhh. Look, we were both speeding, ok? I forgive you."
@rohoxbaby: Every Facebook post: *Girl posts lyrics* Elderly woman comments "Hi lucy. you're so grown up. We miss you. Tell your mom ill call Wednesday"