@woodmuffin: "For my next illusion" the magician announces: "Free will!" Everyone starts clapping but they don't know why
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@AGreaterMonster: I'm going to swallow a jack-in-the-box so that when they do an autopsy—BOING, surprise!
@sip_at_home_mom: I'm never more aware of a room's acoustics than when I'm trying to enjoy a snack I have no intention of sharing.
@numbertze: If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes