@FattMernandez: For my niece's 7th birthday, I'm filling a pinata with a smaller pinata. When she breaks it open I'm gonna yell "Oh God! She was pregnant!"
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@perfect_boxx: I was asked to name my top 10 most favorite books. I don't have 10 so I just started naming insects.
@XplodingUnicorn: 2-year-old: The dog tastes like dirt. Me: Don’t lick the dog. 2: He licked me first.
@hippieswordfish: WANTED: ladder. must be in working condition. bring it by 5134 parker st, it's the big yellow house with a guy on the roof