@FattMernandez: For my niece's 7th birthday, I'm filling a pinata with a smaller pinata. When she breaks it open I'm gonna yell "Oh God! She was pregnant!"
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@Voiceofgarth: I got kicked out of the hospital tonight. Apparently the sign "Stroke Patients Here" meant something different.
@GeminiJew: If you don't know the difference between a spree killer, a mass murderer, and a serial killer, we can't be friends.
@NoticablyBacon: Me: lets go on a date Her: umm Me: what could go wrong *25 minutes later we are being chased by a pack of raccoons*