@KentWGraham: For parents, college is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you or they’ll send your kid back.
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@BlindVigil: Q: "How long were you at your last job?" A: "Seven-and-a-half inches... same as now"
@TomTheWicked: Don't blame me. You're the one following a 32 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
@KKAlThani: Kids are fun to be around. Then they start kicking, screaming, drooling, crying, fighting and then you're just grateful they're not yours.
@C_J_Commode: There is simply no need to add "NSFW" in your bio. This is twitter. None of us have jobs.